Every year, when school begins, I write an ADHD blog on how your child should prepare for school. This year, I decided to turn the tables: let’s talk about how YOU can manage the school year.
You know those commercials where the parents dance along in the school supply store while the child is looking miserable? I would watch those commercials with a little bit of envy. As a parent of a child with ADHD, I wished I could be excited about the new school year.
For parents of children with ADHD, the “back to school” thoughts may look more like this: “What will this year be like?” “Will my child be successful in school?” “Are we going to have another year of forgotten homework, lost assignments, and teacher meetings?” It is no wonder that parents may long for summer to never end.
Alas, school is inevitable, and we are now in full swing. Here are 5 tips to help you get through the school year:
- Decide what you want – be realistic.
When I sit with parents, I always ask, “What do you want for your child?” Often times, parents have trouble answering this question. They will tell me, “I want my child to be happy”. Of course, we all want our children to be happy. But, there is more to it. If you are going to be an effective advocate for your child, you need to know what you hope for and expect of your child this year. Set goals that are clear, achievable and realistic. A written set of goals will help you clarify matters so that you can effectively parent your child.
- Get on the same page.
Children are masters at taking advantage of a divide between parents. A sliver of differences can quickly become a chasm. For a child with ADHD, consistency is extremely important. This means parents, grandparents and any other caregivers all need to be in agreement about the goals and the processes that will be used to help your child. Get the conversation going and be open to negotiation.
- Focus on the achievements, not the process.
Remember those days when you were a kid, and your parents told you what to do? Sometimes, just because your parents asked you to do it, you would refuse. The more your parents pushed, you would push right back. This is called fostering independence. So, look to your inner child and realize that, no matter how wonderful your advice might be, your child may very well rebel.
If you are a parent of a child with ADHD, it is imperative that you understand that your process may not be your child’s process. This is particularly true if you do not have ADHD yourself. Although you may love your planner, your post-it notes, and getting your work done early, this may not mean that your child will embrace these ideas.
While it is fine to model behavior, parents should encourage their children to come up with their own processes – ones that they can own. You can be there to help your child set goals, but be willing to play a supporting role. Let your child decide the steps needed to achieve the goals. By doing this, you are fostering the independence and self-regulation that needed in adulthood.
- Establish your support team.
Being a parent of an ADHD child is a marathon. The process is long, it takes a lot of stamina, and it requires daily persistence. You can’t do it alone. Take some time to think about building a team of supportive adults. Who will be on your team? Include your spouse, your child’s teachers, coaches, tutors, and friends. Choose people who you know have your child’s well-being in mind. The team does not have to have expertise in ADHD. They just need to be supportive for your child and you.
- Take some “me” time
This may sound like a cliché, but it is crucially important for you to take time for yourself. Parenting an ADHD child can be fraught with frustration, worry, and exhaustion. You need to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise. Take up meditation, or just have some quiet time. You are in it for the long haul. Keep yourself up to the task.
Remember that it takes preparation and resilience to parent a child with ADHD. If you are having trouble managing the process, please contact me.
Meet Coach Diane
I have been an ADHD and executive function coach since 2009. In addition to having my PhD in Human Services: Child Development and Family Studies, I hold a Professional Coach Certification (PCC) with the International Coach Federation. I have been a certified teacher for CHADD’s (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Parent to Parent program, Impact ADHD’s Sanity School for Parents, and The Nurtured Heart Approach.
