HOMEWORK AND ADD/ADHD: What is the Parent’s Role in Elementary School?

Here it is – that awful word! HOMEWORK! So often dreaded by students. If a child has ADD/ADHD, homework can be more than just an annoyance. It can be a source of stress, frustration, and self-esteem issues. When a parent sees their child struggling with homework, the natural inclination is to jump in and help out. But, sometimes, the help turns into more than just assistance. Despite the best of intentions, parents can soon find they doing more than assisting. They may be carrying the heavier burden and they watch helplessly as their child becomes overly reliant on their assistance. Soon the child cannot get the homework done without the parent being right there to “help”.

Another scenario can also play out. Many young students with ADD/ADHD have real trouble handling homework. When the frustration level gets too high, the student can act out so as to avoid dealing with the seemingly impossible task. Temper tantrums, withdrawal, and school phobia are a few reactions that a child can have. The parent may not know how to handle this, so they go into “avoidance” mode. This means that they will do anything to keep their child from having any of these reactions. Soon, the parent does the homework for the child. I have had more than one client who has told me that they do their child’s homework.

How can a parent of an ADD/ADHD child avoid the homework battles? First and foremost, parents must understand what role they should play in homework. A parent of an ADD/ADHD child is the primary advocate for the student. It is the parent’s responsibility to make sure that their child is getting the support they need, both inside and outside the classroom. When a child is struggling with homework skills because of their ADD/ADHD, the parent can be the most important advocate.  This does not mean doing the homework for the child, or getting into arguments over homework.  It does mean that the parent’s can help their child set a realistic plan for homework completion.

It might be helpful for a parent to remember the purpose of homework. In elementary school, homework is assigned in order to provide the student with the opportunity to develop independent study skills. It is not until secondary school that the role of homework switches to mastery of skills. Given this important distinction, the parent should focus on helping their child develop that independence. As the student’s advocate, the parent can take a primary role in teaching that independence.

Parents who are too involved in the homework process do not provide the opportunity for their child to develop independent work skills. Parents should remember that the child’s role is active, while the parent’s role is supportive. Parents need to make it clear that homework is the responsibility of the child. In order to do this, parents may want to take the following steps:

1. Be available for support, but do not sit down with your child and do their homework for them
2. Help your child learn the skills of planning and executing. The goal is or your child to learn how to develop an action list for getting homework done.
3. Keep an open line of communication with your child’s teacher so that you may discuss how to best assist the your child at home.
4. If your child has trouble following directions, provide some tips on how to read the instructions. One idea: You can have your child tell you in their own words what they believe they need to do.
5. If a child needs more help from the school, advocate with the school to get support services.

Do you want to hear more about the parent’s role in elementary school? Register for my free webinar on Wednesday, April 11 at 1pm EST. Can’t make the live webinar? Register and I will send you the recording.